I’m in a turmoil of confusion, literally. I feel as if I just lost sight of everything I’ve been looking forward to. Actually, I’m not depressed or sad at all. I’m more confused and on this low level of patience. What have I done to have made myself feel so… out of it? Every day is another struggle to plant that smile on my face and to keep my annoyance toleration high to avoid any arguments. Did something go wrong? What was that one thing that triggered me to feel so upset all of a sudden! It makes no sense. It’s driving me crazy. I just want to be all happy and nice like usual. Have that sincere smile and positive attitude. Being kind to everyone and laughing. But no, as of now I’ve been a total bitch these past couple of days. I really have been. Saying things I would never think I would say. Being rude on purpose (woah). Not writing in my journal daily like I usually would. I’ve skipped these past two days and I don’t even know why! It’s like my motivation and orderly schedule has just be terribly disrupted by some unknown feeling… What is going on! Gah. I’m so confused. Not to mention my room is a complete mess which is something that would usually drive me so crazy I would have to clean it up immediately but now I just honestly don’t care! I don’t care about anyone!
Well that is technically a lie but I really just hate the majority of people I have to deal with every day. Sometimes I wish people would just leave me alone and stop bugging me about everything. People depend too much on me and I don’t need these extra clinging bugs to hold onto me when I have no purpose for them anyways. They don’t even benefit me in any way. They’re just there using me to their advantage cause I’m too nice to reject them. Well god damn, I’m sick of being nice now. I really am. The only thing I get out of being too nice is being hurt and abandoned when I actually need help. Whenever I need help, who can I go to? The ones who call themselves my ‘friend’ don’t even stand there by me when I need them. That is bullshit. Now I’m just annoyed and want to sleep because it’s way past my bed time and I hate feeling this way. Augh. And why do I keep caring about the stupidest things!? People who shouldn’t even make a big impact on me, do it anyways involuntarily! I don’t want to care at all yet I do. Being sensitive can be such a downfall sometimes. Whatever. I’m done for tonight. Adios.
I’m an awkward turtle. I like to pet fluffy bunnies and hug puppies. I like olives even though everyone thinks they’re disgusting. I don’t like meat and vegetables with the exception of BBQ/Teriyaki chicken and corn/cauliflower. I’m not a fan of fruits but mangoes and coconuts are quite delicious. I love ice cream so much that words cannot describe how great my love is. I am extremely neat and organized. I used to read all the time. I have a fear of haunted houses and watching scary movies. I can see ghosts although I am religious. Art is my passion and I am not good at it. I’m shy and quiet. I like to keep to myself because I get annoyed easily by ignorance. I like bunnies. Kbye.
I’m a confusing girl. I’m mean. I’m nice. I’m weird. I’m serious. I make mistakes. I laugh a lot. I smile too much. I have mood swings. I hate homework. I never give up. I have low self-esteem. I ask myself questions that I can’t answer. I think a lot about life. I’m always trying to be happy. I’m an over-achiever. I talk crap sometimes. I’m retarded and slow at times. I can be blunt. I like being straight forward. I hate having family problems. I always wish that things were perfect even when I know that’s impossible. I don’t like accepting the truth. I have grudges. I ask for things I can’t get. I cry when I’m sad and I smile when I’m happy. I talk about my problems. I’m always afraid of being judged. I try to please everyone. I over react a lot. I’m crazy at times. I love to laugh. I love being me.
