You eventually get tired of pretending you’re okay all the time. That constant front you have to put up all the time… actually is quite tiring. It takes energy to force that smile. To laugh and be nice to everyone. To contain all your frustration and anger inside. I just want to stand outside and scream the word fuck until I can’t scream anymore. Those little agitating things seem to build up day by day into something so huge you don’t even know what to do with all this bullshit that has accumulated. Can school just be over already? Can things just go my way for once?

I wonder why family life is so difficult. They really do affect your life. The things they do will alter and change everything around you. Especially your mood and the way you act. I feel like I’ve been acting more private and self-kept towards people because of the way my family makes me feel. I don’t want to say anything because I’m afraid I’m just going to get yelled at for it. I’m so tired of dealing with people who can’t stand living together. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t live in peace at home ever, there’s just always this constant tension everywhere. One tiny mistake or comment can result in huge argument and ruin your day. Everyone’s always just either angry or depressed. It’s one or the other. I can’t remember the last day that everything was alright and we actually were all happy together. That’s sad. It really is. Family should fill your life with memorable happy moments and family quality time spent. Mine? Those days are long gone. I wish I could go back to that one day where everything started to change so I could fix everything that went wrong. Maybe for once in our lives we could all be happy. I don’t even think I make sense right now but whatever. I’m just tired of this depressing household filled with anger and regret that I live in.